While nothing about this expedition is glamorous there are numerous times when you look yourself in the mirror and question just want the hell has led you to this particular moment. Luckily for me there was a mirror right there as I wasn’t running but trying to go to bed but that doesn’t explain why my mouth tastes of Pantene!
I was in my room ready for an early night. I had done a little admin, it was 10 o’clock and time to go to bed. I then remember that I had a slow puncture and a broken spoke and thought why not just change it now and get it over and done with. A decision I would later regret. I have changed numerous inner tubes and spokes on my wheels and it’s normally a slick operation almost worthy of a Formula 1 pit stop. Not tonight! For reasons unknown to me it took forever. Every little thing that could go wrong or cause a delay did exactly that and when the Moby album I started listening to at the beginning of this task finished I was slightly embarrassed with myself. To add to that I looked ridiculous. I was sitting there wearing nothing but a pair of Superdry boxer shorts and my Rudy Project Sunglasses (needed to keep my ridiculous hair out of my eyes). With frustration on the verge of setting in I added the last bit of air to the tyre and reattached it to my stroller.
It was definitely time to go to bed and that meant brushing teeth. I went to my stroller and found my small, yellow OverBoard bag that is used as my wash bag. I removed my toothbrush and toothpaste and was irritated to find both were covered in a slimy gel. My shampoo sachet had split and leaked everywhere and now I had to add a clean-up operation to my list of tasks. First I decided to clean my teeth, not a very delicious experience – a little soapy. It was at this point I realised the taps didn’t have water so off I waddle to grab some from my supply. I come back and start brushing my teeth. Then out of nowhere I need to go pee pee! As the loo is right there I do the unspeakable and decide to brush teeth and “go” at the same time. I am not sure why I thought I could coordinate this delicate manoeuvre but needless to say I couldn’t. I coughed or spluttered and somehow dribbled toothpaste. I am not going to describe where the dribble ended up (just guess) but all I can say that it ended with me looking in the mirror and seriously questioning myself. How can a 35 year old man end up in this predicament?
And it doesn’t end there… I try to clean the wash bag and manage to knock over the water bottle and cause even more mess… At this point I give up…
This is not a hero’s story but hopefully it allows people to laugh at my misfortune as I very much did myself!